I've just looked back over the last few posts and it was a mix of emotions. So much has changed since September last year, physically, emotionally, mentally.
I'll start with physical as that is what this was originally about. I'm
Now currently weighing in at 158lb and completely out of shape! You'll get an understanding as to why after reading this post hopefully. My training if you can even call it that is now down to about 3 times a week. I suffered a fractured sternum not long after the comp so training was off limits. I also had cosmetic surgery in late October meaning another 6 weeks off!
Mentally I feel strong, I decided back in November to quit uni (my tutor deferred me rather than signing me off completely)
It was hard and I felt like a total failure, all of a sudden all the things I was using to fill my life and use as distraction techniques had come crashing down around my ears. This is also around the time I had decided to end my marriage.
Christmas came and went at lightening strike speed and I realised that this year any kind of competing was totally out of the question. Even though I did try to convince my trainer other wise. I knew I would never be happy with not giving it 100% dedication to my training and diet.
I've realised for me to do anything properly and dedicate myself to it I need an end goal. I have that now, I aim to drop a few lbs and start a heavy off season to compete in May 2017 with a leaner base. It'll give me the just over the same time frame as the last comp.
Emotionally I'm actually in a place I never thought I would be, I'm happy, I'm actually stupidly, sickeningly happy. He makes my face hurt from smiling and my chest explode. Maybe that's why my dedication to training has taken a back seat, I'm no longer trying to fill a void with something. Before I felt a bit empty and the gym was somewhere I felt I belonged, the people and the pain filled this hole where happiness and companionship was supposed to be! I still love it and I still want to do my best it's just not everything any more.... He has shown me it's ok to just be me, I'm good enough. And he is more than good enough τέλειο αγόρι μου
