The battles of bulking

I haven't posted in awhile because iv been super busy with uni but gonna write a little about what's been going on and my mental/physical state at the moment.


So after i wrote my first blog my old school friend got in touch with me, we went through primary and secondary together but lost contact after school, she went travelling the world having all these amazing life experiences and good on her for doing it. some thing we shared in our adult life was a love for fitness (although mine came at a way later stage in life).

She contacted me asking to train together and yesterday we did, a beastly leg session that she did really really well in, i was so super chuffed to have that morning together. although we hadn't seen each other for 15 years it it felt like being at school again. Its great that that happened as some times friendships can just be picked up again and its just easy.

ok mental state....

I'm having a real mental battle with myself, iv always been quite lean but starting this journey i had to stop thinking that way, the whole process is getting big to get lean. I used to step on those awful digital scales that tell you every thing. Iv hid them now and i have to retrain my mind to see gaining pounds as a health progress. i had been stuck at 160lb for ages, not seeming to get any heavier but yesterday i gained 3lbs, a little but significant change that I'm proud of. I know I'm growing after a trip to the beach and realising that a bikini i bought at the end of summer now appeared to be more thong like than a full bottomed bikini!!

Iv been looked over this week by my trainer and every thing is going in the right direction apart from delts....i need bigger delts. iv always struggled with shoulders and its the most vomit inducing sets i can think of, side lateral raises are my new nightmare...i hate them but i would love those nice rounded shoulder, this is more of a physical battle.

I have 7 more weeks of trying to gain weight before i can start the diet, hopefully then my obsessive Internet stalking of all the lovely ripped summer bodies will subside....

The end is in sight

Thought i would give  a little update.

the Easter holiday's are nearly over, I'm exhausted...my kids have been great but my gods its been hard work. luckily for me they understand i still have normal things to do. Iv exhausted all my baby sitters to capacity over the last two weeks and they have certainly earned their money.

I'm struggling to fit every thing into my life at the moment, work, uni, gym commitments and being a mum is taking it out of me. Some things got to give!

when i start my full time degree in September I'm gonna struggle and I'm super aware of it, my days will increase and so will the work load. fitting things in around caring for my children and nurturing them is hard. the littlest needs my constant attention and its so mentally draining. Being a parent is hard, being a parent to a special needs child is even harder, you can't switch off at all.

my issue is I'm a people pleaser, i hate letting people down or feeling i have upset people and will most of the time put other peoples needs before my own.

at the moment my priorities are all over the place and i have the mother guilt...oh the mother guilt. i already feel like i don't get to spend enough time with them after school, always rushing after uni for one thing or another, rushing their home work, quick make do meals....this isn't parenting.

but for now, I'm gonna make do.

signing off one battered, brain melted mother x

Gym style or more important the lack of it

So i went to the gym this morning and while i was walking through the city centre it dawned on me, as a woman i spend a lot (more than i should) on beauty products. I'm a self confessed make up whore, yet i always look like a bag of crap.

I think iv spend so much time working on my body i.e., neck down, i totally forget about my head and clothes. i mean iv been working out in a pair of grey tracksuit bottoms that have rips on the legs (self cut for ease of removal over a fresh tattoo)..

..why haven't i binned these monstrosities? that teamed with a lovely washed out black sports top, iv scrapped my hair into a badly brushed pony tail and the make up is non existent..i then wonder why i feel like a bag of crap??

let me tell you a secret though, no one at my gym gives a shit!!! its true, its amazing i can turn up wearing this shit and no one bats an eye lid as long as you get your work out done, its fine.

iv been to corporate gyms or hell on earth as i like to think of them. You know where the latest Nike shoes elevate your gym swag, your no one with out one of those FitBit things telling you when to drink, pooh and sleep..

how can you work out and maintain your freshly quaffed Toni&Guy hair....its beyond me. i leave looking like a ball of crap, set on fire and beaten out with a stick, but i like it.

any way i did crumble under the pressure, i purchased my self new trackies and new shorts cos its getting warmer.....no they are not Lulu Lemon.

Thinking out loud about the big C

So Easter is over and its got me thinking. Iv always been a bit crap with my diet and life style, I'm a sugar lover, a coffee whore and occasionally like a glass of alcoholic beverage.

I'm sure she won't mind me talking about her as her battle is one I'm following closely and with a heavy heart but hopeful mind.

Just before Christmas my best friends sister was diagnosed with cancer, its rocked us all and shook their family like a earthquake who's ripples have been felt through all of us.

her mum who has always been a firm believer in holistic therapies got to work on her and using the power of the earth has managed to eradicate the breast cancer that was tearing her body apart.

what was her secret....Organic carrots!

i thought it was a little crazy to start with, what the hell would a carrot do? well it seems a bloody lot.
then it got me thinking about the stuff we put into our bodies. Every Saturday on cheat day without fail i fill up on shit..take away....sugars...junk and more junk and dairy...oh how i love the dairy.

its no good for me i know that so why do i still consume it? the answer is i have no idea, habit maybe.

I'm making  a vow to myself, as from tomorrow i will only consume foods that nourish my body, i will only drink liquids that quench my thirst or benefit me...the cheat day is no more. I put so much effort into looking after myself physically but fail to do the same with my nutrition. if i want to be the best i can its a double attack, inside and out.

surely its a mind set, just a new routine i have to stick to before routine becomes habit.

I'm feeling positive about to and can't wait to start, preparation is key, so a big food shop and a clear of the cupboards are in order.

oh and zero Easter eggs eaten this year...go me

No time to relax

Ok so this is a pre warning as this may sound a little bit ranty but i won't use capitals...so I'm not shouting, i went to sleep with a head ache and woke up with it also, I'm grumpy.

Easter holidays, a nice relaxing break?? no not if your a mother, its actually double the work!

I was desperate for a break from uni come the end of term, i felt washed out, tired, emotional, grumpy you name it. My mind set was "yes a break" when in fact its not been a break at all, its been manic. both children off school, still have to train, still have uni work to contend with, every time i turn around the house is a tip, my cleaner is on holiday, the clothes washing is getting rediculous and i just want to hide away and drink a large Gin.

In an attempt to have a break We are off to a caravan this weekend down in cornwall, looking outside the weather is grey and wet, I'm so envious of otter family members who have managed to jet off to sunnier climates, waking up and having your breakfast, lunch and dinner cooked for you, not having to do the dishes, no hoovering, no scrubbing pen from your furniture or lipstick from your walls, coming back to your room and the bed being made up for you, loooovely.

Im sure the kids will love the caravan and the club house, also i hear the house doubles are quite cheap too....just legs to crack today then its time to Gin me

No pre work out needed!!

So today i went into my gym session with a burning desire to kill (it really helped)

As you know from me first post i teach pole dance/pole fitness what ever you wanna call it. before bed last night i found a personal attack from another pole school in the local area. Now don't get me wrong some times work grinds me down, its a job that's normal but as stated before its my first love and i am fiercely protective over it, my school, my colleague and all the girls who i teach.
its like the annoying little sister, i can say what i like about it but if any one bad mouths it they are gonna get it, both bloody barrels. In an industry filled
with strong ladies (and men) surely we should be lifting each other up not trying to bash each other down with a pole sleeve (work related joke).

I could not shake the rage inside and decided then and there i must get to the gym and vent the pent up anger i had. today no pre work out was needed!

I got the gym which had already calmed me down by just being there and just being me, Stacey. I'm not mum, i don't have to do any thing for any one else but JUST BE ME.

I pulled out my earphones and blasted some Royal blood heavily into my ears to drown out the cursing i had spinning around inside of it...

my work out today although same as normal went quite quickly, i seemed to get through it and not even realise until i was on my last muscle group (oh i hit a PB on triceps push downs..yey)

It actually really helped and after an hour or so i was feeling normal, i collected the children from my wonder sister and took a nice breezy walk with the family.

This evening every thing work related has seemed to calm down a lot, the kids are in bed and the house work is complete, i can concentrate on some uni work and research for my next assignment.....or i can totally veg out and let the drama of today wash away...that's a more likely scenario

As for the other pole school, here a picture of my ass.....they can kiss it :)