the week that went missing!!

ugh...had a crap week last week. my girl was poorly so the week was spent either at the hospital or at home mopping up vomit.  Wednesday, Thursday and Friday i had a virus that hit me and was totally wiped out. i managed 1 whole session at the gym.

i take vitamin c daily as i know my immune system will be taking a battering while in prep but some things you just can't get away from.

it has had a knock on effect with my confidence and missing one week has proved to have been the biggest test of all.

i feel like i have wasted away and i feel tiny (not good tiny) i know its psychological but with a fragile state of mind it really was the last thing i wanted.

i did hit a weight loss of 2lb this week (thanks bugs) and today was my first day back in the gym.

i needed to get my motivation back as i was feeling a bit like i could quit (again), i have to constantly remind myself that iv come too far now.. so picked myself up and had a shoulders and Abs session, it felt good to be back and I'm now looking forward to the rest of the week. head has been wobbled and I'm ready for it.

coffees consumed= about 9

Hoarding chocolate...im like a Reece's squirrel

general over sight

I'm stuck in the house today as i have poorly girl who greeted me with vomit this morning, so thought i best update this.

I'm 5 weeks out now and still feeling generally OK body and mind wise...my face on the other hand has taken a bashing and the lack of fat in my face is making me look like a haggard old bag *weeps*. 

I'm struggling with the prospect of having to smile and hold it while breathing and not grimace.....that shits hard. 

 

this week i have decided to voluntarily ditch my cheats, its no good for the brain. i find i put so much pressure on myself to hit the losses just to have a cheat that if it doesn't happen (it has once) the knock on effect is vile, tears, tantrums and generally breakdowns follow so its gone. what this has done is sparked me into a chocolate hoarder. every time i visit the shop i buy myself  treat and stick in the fridge. iv also just ransacked amazon for Reece's goodies and have a nice little parcel coming my way soon. 

iv booked my make up for the comp and have a trial soon so that's one thing down, i need to get some kinda hair piece but first need to decide on the colour my hair will be, also need to purchase tan but until my trainer is home from holiday i wont make any decisions on that.  I'm still toying with different song choices for my routine but the actual routine is pretty much down, just needs scrubbing up.

excuses

hey, quick update then i want to talk about excuses.

this week i had another 3lb drop that's half a stone in two weeks...(yey) the weeks are flying by and yes i did buy that other bikini.....and I'm not sorry :)

I want to talk about excuses, this week i posted a before and after picture on my FB, it was from January to now, the response was great. it feels awesome to have such positive comments from my friends and family.

there where a few comment like "i wish i had your commitment"...and it made me laugh.

my friends who have known me for years laugh at me and not because they are not proud but because i was the kinda person who would never even consider this kinda stuff. i was a strictly beer, kebab and good time girl, i hated cardio and working out was was bending down in the fridge.

i see girls all the time say oh i hate this or i hate that......so did i, i just refused to let it control me any more. you meet people who can start a fire in your belly and for me that was Amanda, she enticed me and what she said excited me. ultimately though only you can fuel that fire and keep it burning.

Then another friend said "its all about your priorities in life, what you want more"
i want to be able to sit down with my family and enjoy a meal have cooked but for the moment i want this more.

i have a FB friend who has lost 30lb...30 fucking pound...that shits not easy. she eats right and works out, she is a mum and holds down a job...she is pretty awesome, she knows what she wants.

people want a quick fix, to drink a shake and wake up looking like a VS model...it wont work. it may have a short term effect but ultimately its hard graft and sacrifices that will get you where you want to be, if that's not for you that's cool, your life and your priorities!

i have a friend who is a cancer survivor, has one leg and one lung. he puts the graft in and works out, its hard and takes a bit of adjustment for him to get the exercises done but HE GETS SHIT DONE!
he could make up a million excuses but doesn't.

got one leg and one lung...rides a fucking bike, got one leg and one lung....manages dead lifts...got one leg and one lung.....swims.... you'll never hear "i can't" come out of his mouth.

its hard, my fucking god its hard, some days i don't want to get up at 6am and get on the cross trainer, some days its hot and i just want an ice-cream and go to the beach, some days its cold and i want some pasta with a rich tomato sauce and Parmesan cheese and to hibernate on the sofa...but i want this more.



also set an example to your kids man, my kids know that what you want takes hard work, they wont be afraid to graft their asses off to get what they want. They wont moan about things they feel they can't achieve they'll go out and find a way to get them.


Stacey x

I hit a wall

I haven't posted for two weeks and i knew if i didn't do it this morning i would have probably stopped writing.

reason for the silence: weight gain!

two weeks ago i went to my weigh in and some thing happened, i had gained weight, it was only one and half pound but to hear that when you have worked your ass off and to be 10 weeks out was heart breaking. i never knew how emotional this process would be. i seem to cry a lot at the moment, from pain, hunger and exhaustion.

these tears where different i felt like my body had let me down. i had done every thing i was told and it had turned on me. i couldn't keep my emotions in and i spent a rather embarrassing hour crying uncontrollably in the gym. every fibre of my being was saying "fuck this shit...quit" "go eat a happy meal and get happy"....i have no idea what stopped me pulling the plug there and then, maybe that i would have totally wasted a year of my life if i had, maybe it was the fact i feel i would have let myself down or that i would disappoint others who have invested time in me. needless to say i kept my feelings quiet and just pushed through.

my diet was changed, i had been carb cycling up to that point and I'm not gonna lie it made me feel rubbish, carbs make me feel sluggish and a bit crap. being put on a carb free diet had an instant effect, my moods where stabilised, i had more energy and i felt the best i have for the last year.

i was worried how it would effect me as i hear most people in the gym are crying out for carbs. i don't feel it has effected my lifting or my strength (yet) and apart from being super hungry (which i can handle) its been a good week.

i went to my weight in Friday and lost four and a half pound, that's the biggest loss of this whole cut.

this week I'm starting with a new found passion for ass kicking, I'm on the verge of purchasing another bikini and i am finally seeing a little differences in my body. i feel a little confidence in my posing and once i know i can hit every thing properly i can start to add a bit of show girl into it, that's the easy bit thanks to my day job.


i also feel i need to stop buying accessories for the comp as i feel i could end up like this .......