so what happens now???

eeeehhhh as i breath in a sigh of relief and look back over the weekend, trying to process the whole thing i have some odd thoughts.....firstly woo hoo i won....all that hard work, all those tears, all the crawling after legs...was worth it, i actually won at some thing, FUCK YEAH!!


then comes the weird stuff....what now? today is the day i feel a bit more normal, so now i can get my head around it. yesterday i felt empty and a bit numb....people asked me how do you feel and all i could say was "overwhelmed" because i didn't want to say i felt empty, a bit lost and generally a bit crappy. every thing i had focused on for a year had been and gone and so did my direction. who was i now? what do i do?

i had around 6 hours sleep over the whole weekend and was exhausted and depleted. i was in uni first thing Monday morning and just had to suck it all up.

today iv spoke to my trainer and now know what needs to be worked on and whats happening and feel so much better knowing i have some time to kick back and chill and then get back to normal again,


I'm feeling myself again, i feel mega proud that we achieved this, its a total joint effort. i feel he did more than me, i just did what i was told like a little robot, do this, eat this, drink this...like a little Frankenstein creation! but we fucking won... did it!












so here goes a week off to chill, then 2016......i'm freaking coming
for ya you filthy bastard

Stacey x

Emotional rollercoaster

not wrote in a while so best update

so as i type 13 days out from comp day...EEEEKKK

i have to say the last two weeks have been some what of an up and down. one min I'm like the queen of the world the next i feel like the whole thing is too much and I'm googling closest KFC!! your constantly worried you haven't give it enough but also question what more you could have done! are you stupid for even trying and why the hell shouldn't you give it a go....

last weekend i managed to get away for the night, my boy was returning from Morocco so went to London to collect him. the thought of having a day and night to myself was a welcoming feeling, even the thought of the 3.5 hour train journey filled me with excitement, to sit and just day dream, listen to some music, watch the world go by with no where to go...bliss.

i met up with an old friend who i hadn't seen for 7 years...it was like no time had passed at all, we met up and took a tour around east London, we traced the steps of jack the ripper, under the cover of darkness we walked the streets and just talked and laughed and laughed some more. i have no idea of how far we went but it felt like miles....

just having that little break was great, i need to do that more often.

my trainer had returned from holiday and sanity prevailed again. i never thought of myself as someone who needed routine but i do, i really do. as soon as he got a look at my condition and he said i was exactly where i need to be i could relax a bit, my mind had been cleared and i felt in control again.

last week saw the last heavy leg session for me this prep, i have to admit its a good feeling to know that's over for a bit, this is my last week lifting heavy and also this is the last week to smash the cardio.

its getting really exciting now and apart from the weekends (no routine) I'm actually enjoying this prep. maybe because i had set my mind on it being the most horrendous experience of my life and any thing better than that is a plus. I'm just trying to fill my time and keep occupied, that seems to keep the thoughts of cakes away.


uni starts again Monday and i feel lucky to have had my prep ove rthe summer so i have no distractions, I'm no sure how peak week will be as its the same week as uni BUT ill do what i have to.



at least i know ill be busy and what will be will be

stacey