A little post about "shaming"

So this morning i woke up and posted another progress picture on my Instagram account and my first thought was "oh god people are gonna think I'm so self obsessed"!!

Let me tell you this I AM, why shouldn't we be proud of who we are, what we do and what makes us happy?  I work hard and it hurts, it really hurts, i cry, I've even puked. i am doing some thing i enjoy...but as i hit Post i can almost hear the wish of Aqueous humour as my friends roll their eyes as another picture pops up on their mobiles.

Why are we more tolerant of some goals achieved? if i was posting my uni grades i would get a well done, if i post a picture of my physical achievements its all "here she goes again".

Please don't get me wrong i don't care...I REALLY DON'T CARE. The beauty with social media is you can choose to see what you want and don't want, there is always an unfriend button, an unfollow option and block. I'm very lucky that most people i surround myself with are very lovely and encouraging. this is a choice i make as an adult, the company i keep is that of a choice, friends should enrich our lives and in return you should do the same.

Why does it bother people so much, why can't we be proud of other peoples achievements?
i do it myself, if i get a compliment i all always follow it with "thanks but i really need to work on...." why?? why can't i just be happy and say thank you.

I'm surrounded by ladies, strong ladies whom some are proud of who they are and some who hate themselves... if only i could shed a bit more weight, if only i was a bit more confident i would, i would love to have a go at that but I'll wait till i loose a few more pound, I'm not smart enough to do that...these are thing i hear daily.

Why? what has happened to these girls to make them feel they can't achieve their goals? I'll tell you.. shamers!

I'm not just calling out body shamer I'm calling all you shamers out. Its damaging to people to and i for one am sick of it.

I have two children and i will spend their childhoods building up their self esteem so bloody high that when they get to adults no amount of shaming can break them. I'll tell them they can achieve any thing they want and nothing is impossible. I'll also teach them to celebrate other peoples goals and achievements. they'll be the adults who are telling you to go for it, not the ones who are questioning your abilities.

So next time your scrolling through your time line or news feed just be careful what you comment, let start building each other up rather trying to knock each other down.

blowing out someones candle won't make your shine any brighter ...or some thing like that!

Its over but this is where it really starts

So that's it my first year of uni is over!

This year has been crazy, we have had new babies in the family, starting uni, starting a totally different choice of getting my endorphin buzz and a new school starter (my 5 year old).

Starting this year was scary, i had no idea what was in store for me and starting late i felt i would be massively behind, every one had settled into their social groups and i would be that awkward girl who had to try to fit in some where. luckily it wasn't like that at all and i don't feel i missed
out on any thing.

the people in my group where very welcoming and i seemed to settle quite quickly. over the year i can honestly say i have made some awesome friends and learnt a lot from each of them. The thing with art is you become open to people, your art is a personal show of your experiences and emotions (shit that art talk has really got me wordy eh).

our end of year show was amazing and was lovely to see what every one had been working on and the end product of a fun but busy year.

NOW

So its currently the half term and my 5 and 9 are off school for the week, this always has mixed emotions, i love spending time with them and doing fun stuff together but i am also very aware of how hard it is to train with them off school. I could take them and give them an iPad or some colouring sheets but 5 is insistent on asking folks to "see their guns" when they are mid set or asking if they need help with what hey are lifting!!

Just trying to sit and schedule the next few weeks and arrange child care for the summer holiday as i will be in the middle of my cutting stage. i think I'm gonna have to pay out for summer clubs so i can guarantee i can attend the gym. its great having family and friends to help but i need a solid schedule. one i can't default from. its too important at this stage to be carefree about training.

oh I'm also getting the odd wave of panic that's setting in (I'm guessing this is normal). am i doing enough, am i big enough, will i diet good enough, will i be ready, what if i look like crap, what if i hurt myself..what if, what if, what if??

i was told that "worrying won't make me better or my competitors worse" and i guess that is very true. i just feel like iv invested so much time and energy into this and for it not to be perfect just isn't an option. i would feel a total waste if some thing happens now. I'm ready to give up my beach days this year for sweaty gym sessions, I'm forgoing holidays so i stick to my diet plan. i will do this and ill do it to my best ability. i keep reminding myself i only have 17 weeks left and iv already been doing this for 7 months, so what's 17 weeks...nothing! i got this, I'll push through and I'll do my very best

busy busy busy

i haven't posted in ages, apologies!

so its coming to the end of my first uni year, its a bit crazy as we where told a few weeks (maybe 2) that we soul deb putting on a show of our work and we have had to get that together this week. i was lucky enough to have quite a few images to choose from and decided on a final two pretty easily.
my only issue is i tend to fly forward with the practical side of any project and then and left with the boring written stuff (yawn). i think i need a Velcro pen and gloves, it seems every time i put a pen down it takes me 5 mins before i pick it up again! i only have till the 22nd of this month then my year is over until end of September.

i have cut my hours down at work and its been a massive relief, i have quality time with the children now and even thought its just been two hours it has freed up a lot of time for me.

training 

at the moment i feel huge in a big wobbly way, since starting i have gained nearly a stone and a half, I'm pretty tired of eating and can't wait to start my prep...although I'm sure that will change when i get to the end, ill be crying into my turkey and broccoli.

i attended NABBA west Britain comp this weekend and it was so inspiring and cool to get a feel of competitions and what goes on back stage, it really put fire in my belly and has pushed me through this last stage where i feel like a big huge mess.

i have just 4 more weeks left before the cardio starts and for now its a welcomed feeling