and i've sat here for 30 mins trying to figure out where to start?
For the last year i had been kidding myself i was gonna start training properly and knew deep down i wasn't going to, i was comfortable not liking my body and eating any old shit i could stuff in my mouth. I enjoyed giving 15..maybe 20% effort at the gym and that suited me well.
I spent a week in Venice eating all the finest Italian food i could eat (and bring back in my case), i liked drinking wine, i going on holiday in Spain and drinking beers and wines like water! i had no goal and no desire.....great....right??well no
a few weeks ago my friend come over, the last year has been a vile and cruel time for her and her family. we talked about her dreams for her business this year and her plans to make her business grow, excitement grew in me as i watched her eyes light up for the first time in a long time, i little bit of passion was there, a little spark, a little bit of her in her own eyes.
as she left we joked around and she asked me what i was gonna do? "whats the new thing for you now?" she joked, i had to think, i shrugged and replied with "no idea"
"well what ever you do it'll be some crazy thing you'll throw your self into!'
yeah, maybe ill never be a career kinda girl but a lot of experiences are far more exciting to me.
thing is i didn't feel finished, i didn't fall out of love with competing like i had my previous "phases" i just relaxed on my 170lb morals!!
so umm here i am, 2 weeks into prep. i am entering two comps in june and I'm shitting myself. i have the same people around me as last time and I'm feeling nervous but a good nervous. i do feel a title bit of pressure, entering one comp and winning that comp makes me feel like i have some kind of expectation to fill, i try to put that to the back of my mind though. i try to be kind to myself and remember that i have had so much time off and as long as i do my 100% thats all i can do.
stacey x
