Its over but this is where it really starts

So that's it my first year of uni is over!

This year has been crazy, we have had new babies in the family, starting uni, starting a totally different choice of getting my endorphin buzz and a new school starter (my 5 year old).

Starting this year was scary, i had no idea what was in store for me and starting late i felt i would be massively behind, every one had settled into their social groups and i would be that awkward girl who had to try to fit in some where. luckily it wasn't like that at all and i don't feel i missed
out on any thing.

the people in my group where very welcoming and i seemed to settle quite quickly. over the year i can honestly say i have made some awesome friends and learnt a lot from each of them. The thing with art is you become open to people, your art is a personal show of your experiences and emotions (shit that art talk has really got me wordy eh).

our end of year show was amazing and was lovely to see what every one had been working on and the end product of a fun but busy year.

NOW

So its currently the half term and my 5 and 9 are off school for the week, this always has mixed emotions, i love spending time with them and doing fun stuff together but i am also very aware of how hard it is to train with them off school. I could take them and give them an iPad or some colouring sheets but 5 is insistent on asking folks to "see their guns" when they are mid set or asking if they need help with what hey are lifting!!

Just trying to sit and schedule the next few weeks and arrange child care for the summer holiday as i will be in the middle of my cutting stage. i think I'm gonna have to pay out for summer clubs so i can guarantee i can attend the gym. its great having family and friends to help but i need a solid schedule. one i can't default from. its too important at this stage to be carefree about training.

oh I'm also getting the odd wave of panic that's setting in (I'm guessing this is normal). am i doing enough, am i big enough, will i diet good enough, will i be ready, what if i look like crap, what if i hurt myself..what if, what if, what if??

i was told that "worrying won't make me better or my competitors worse" and i guess that is very true. i just feel like iv invested so much time and energy into this and for it not to be perfect just isn't an option. i would feel a total waste if some thing happens now. I'm ready to give up my beach days this year for sweaty gym sessions, I'm forgoing holidays so i stick to my diet plan. i will do this and ill do it to my best ability. i keep reminding myself i only have 17 weeks left and iv already been doing this for 7 months, so what's 17 weeks...nothing! i got this, I'll push through and I'll do my very best